Five Ways to Kill Season 1 Finale
by Blackwolf249
Summary: This is it, the final massacre of the year! Who will be on the chopping block this time? Let's find out... Rated T for violence.


**Hey you guys. Well, 2018 is pretty much done and out of the way. For many people, it was very hard, since we lost many loved celebrities. So let's end this year on a positive note, shall we?**

 **Disclaimer: All characters are owned by their respective companies. The OCs featured are owned by me.**

* * *

Hey everyone! Zachary here, and welcome to the season finale of _Five Ways to Kill_! Well, 2018 is almost over, and its honestly been a rough year for many people. Not only did we have to deal with the loss of both Stan Lee and Stephen Hillenburg, but we also had to deal with a series of FPS games that were lackluster at best, horrendous at worst. Fortunately, Christmas is right around the corner, meaning we're finally going to be free of the tragedies that came with it.

So now, let's fire up the Randomizer and see who'll be this year's final punching bag…

The Randomizer activates when it stops, the monitor reveals that it landed on…

 _Hunt Down the Freeman_.

The crowd, which this time consisted of fans of _Half-Life_ and FPS games in general, boos at the monitor.

…That's right, everyone. Today's victim is the one, the only, _Hunt Down the Freeman_ , otherwise known as Hunt Down the Refund. This is by far the worst _Half-Life_ fangame out there, and it's a complete train wreck that dares try to connect with the canon storyline.

So now, let's punish the creators of this abomination and end this year with a bang, as we reveal the five ways to kill _Hunt Down the Freeman_.

* * *

 **Number 5: The Business End of the Griffon**

 _Hunt Down the Freeman_ is seen on a rooftop in Edge City, standing before him is **Vincent Valentine, The Dirge of Cerberus.**

"How dare you try to destroy the reputation of the _Half-Life_ duology with your terrible, game-breaking glitches, abysmal level design, and idiotic, inconsistent story and characters. Now it's time for your death."

Vincent pulls out his machine gun, Griffon and opens fire. When he is finished with his shooting spree, the massive facepalm resembles Swiss cheese.

"Yeah, that's what you get for killing Valve's iconic FPS series."

* * *

 **Number 4: Jack and Jill.**

Hunt Down the Freeman is seen on the helicarrier when suddenly…

 **BLAM! BLAM!**

A massive hole is formed in the game. Standing from their kneeling positions were **Jill Valentine, The Partner of Chris Redfield** and **Jack Cooper, The Current Pilot of BT-7274**. Jill was holding a PSG-1 Sniper rifle, while Jack is wielding a D-101 Longbow-DMR Sniper Rifle.

"One shot…" says Jack, taking off his helmet.

"One kill," says Jill.*

* * *

 **Number 3: Prototype in Heat**

Hunt Down the Freeman is seen on a rooftop in the Red Zone. Standing before the train wreck is **Jessica Dornez, The Rogue Evolved**.

"I was expecting this game to play like _Half-Life 2_. As in, it should have been like a watered-down version of _Doom_. Instead, the main protagonist, Mitchell Sheppard, was like a protagonist from those brain-dead _Call of Duty_ games in terms of character and controls. Every FPS fan knows that Doom and Call of Duty don't mix."*

Jessica shifts her arm into her flamethrower.

"Now it's time for this game to burn in Hell!"

She extends her arm and releases a jet of flames, reducing the game to ashes.

"Games like that should have never been made."

* * *

 **Number 2: Don't Call in a Motorcycle owned by Jake**

The fangame in question is seen on a highway when suddenly…

 **CRUNCH!**

The failed fangame is crushed by a motorcycle. The rider does a U-Turn and stops at where the game once stood. He takes off his helmet, revealing himself to be **Jake Muller, The Son of Albert Wesker**.

" _Hunt down the Freeman_? More like Hunt down the Bullshit."

* * *

Okay before we get to number one, let's have a recap of the four kills we've seen so far….

 **5\. Gunned down by Vincent Valentine**

 **4\. Sniped by Jack Cooper and Jill Valentine**

 **3\. Incinerated by Jessica Dornez**

 **2\. Run over by Jake Muller**

And now, for the moment you've all been waiting for; here is the number one way to kill _Hunt Down the Freeman_.

* * *

 **Number 1: Death by Strife**

Hunt Down the Freeman is seen standing in an alleyway, suddenly a man is seen approaching him.

The man looks to be around 34, and has fair skin, blonde shoulder length hair and blue eyes. He wore a navy-blue shirt and black pants a Dark gray cloak or trenchcoat with gunmetal gray gauntlets and greaves along with an eggplant purple scarf around his neck. He also had two ornate drop holsters housing a pair of revolvers and a Remmington M97 Pump-Action Shotgun holstered onto his back.

"Hunt Down the Freeman, I'm **Dean Gregory, The Current Strife.** And now that the introductions are out of the way, it's time to rid the world of your god-awfulness for good!"*

Dean pulls out the first revolver, which has four barrels.

"Don't expect any _mercy_ from me…"

Dean fires four times before switching to the second revolver, which only has a single barrel.

"…because you are beyond any _redemption_."

He kicks the failed fan-game into the air. After that, he pulls out his shotgun and loads a slug round into the chamber.

"And just so you know, this is the beginning of my _atonement_."*

Dean charges energy into the shot gun and pulls the trigger. The slug is launched from the barrel and strikes the game….

 **BOOM!**

…blowing it into pieces.

Dean blows the smoke off the barrel and lugs the shotgun over his shoulders.

"Good riddance."

* * *

And that's the five ways to kill Hunt Down the Freeman. I would like to thank Jill Valentine, Jessica Dornez, Jake Muller, Vincent Valentine, Jack Cooper, and Dean Gregory for their participation in this episode. You've all got your kill trophies and presents. Now, is there anything that you would say before we end this season?

 **Jack:** Heck, yeah. Hunt Down the Freeman is one of the most hated Half-Life fan games, and for good reason.

 **Jessica:** Jack's right. As I said before _Half-Life_ is not _Call of Duty_. And hopefully, those two gameplay styles never meet in a fangame like this again.

 **Jill:** That's right, Jessica. Hopefully Valve and the creators don't make the same mistake of trusting the director or anyone else like him twice.

 **Vincent:** Back onto the game itself, it is a disgrace to the Source engine and an insult to FPS Games everywhere.

 **Jake:** Agreed. Avoid this awful game at all costs, and instead play Half-Life mods like, _Team Fortress Classic, Half-Life: Echoes, Half-Life: Year of the Dragon, Brutal Half-Life, Dragon Ball Z: Earth's Special Forces, Black Mesa_ , and any other mod that has more effort put into it than _Hunt Down the Freeman.*_

 **Dean:** All that I have left to say we wish you a merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, Zach.

Well, if that's all you have to say, then that concludes the first season of Five Ways to Kill! I'll see you next year for another round of kills, but until then, this is Zachary Shields, signing off. *clicks tongue*

* * *

 **And with that Season One of Five Ways to Kill is finished. This was one I really wanted to do, since I wanted to do a video game, and what better game to have on here than the one that many claimed, killed the _Half-Life_ series.**

 **Trivia/Author's Notes:**

 **-Jack and Jill made a reference to Widowmaker from _Overwatch_ , as that was her catchphrase.**

 **\- What Jessica was referring to was another reason why the gameplay in _Hunt Down the Freeman_ was so atrocious. ****From what one YouTuber said, the Half-Life games played like a watered down version of Doom. In Doom, your speed is above average, your weapons, while situational, were very powerful, and you fought enemies that were designed to be fought by being mobile and switching weapons on the fly.** **Unfortunately, the main protagonist of HDTF, Mitchell Sheppard or "Bitchell" as some fans call him, played like a _Call of Duty_ protagonist. ****In _Call of Duty_ , your speed was much slower, your weapons were weak, conventional firearms, and the enemies were fought by clearing the stage more methodically. ****When the enemies from _Half-Life 2_ were were recycled, they break the game and artificially increased the difficultly as Mitchell lacks the necessary abilities needed to fight them.**

 **-Yes, Dean Gregory is my newest OC. The one-liners he used were a reference to the name of his weapons: Mercy and** **Redemption (the revolvers) and Atonement (the shotgun).**

 **-Also,** ** _Dragon Ball Z: Earth's Special Forces,_ is a Half-Life Total Conversion. **

**So that's it, I hope you enjoyed the Season Finale of Five Ways to Kill.**

 **To Jewish readers, Happy Hanukkah.**

 **To African readers, Happy Kwanzaa.**

 **To Hispanic/Latino readers, Feliz Navidad.**

 **To my fellow Atheist readers . . . have a nice day.**

 **See you next year! ;)**


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